he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
