you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
