The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
