no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
