yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
