FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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