I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
