you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
