you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize