Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
