just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
