you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
