and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
