so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
