Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
