why didn't you poke me back
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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