note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
