NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
