You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
