There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
