Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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