I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
