I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
