College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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