The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
