no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
