Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
