Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
