I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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