The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
