I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
