it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
