I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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