I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
