I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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