Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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