So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
