the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
