You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
