I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
