oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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