it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
