Your dad touched me again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
