I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
