Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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