I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
