you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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