Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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