im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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