He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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