Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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