six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it because I queefed?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
