I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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