I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
