It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
