I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
