so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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