Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
