Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
