I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
birth control should be required to get into college
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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