I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
