my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need water and some morals
Randomize
