3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
In America we eat man semen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
