I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
