he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
