The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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